1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up put it
down.
1. Do not cut your hair. Ever.. Long hair is always
more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you
do not want to hear.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless
you are prepared to
discuss such topics as computers, movies or cars.
1. Sunday = DO NOTHING. It's like the full moon or
the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going
to think of it that
way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine.
Really!!
1. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints DO NOT
work. Strong hints DO NOT work. Obvious hints DO NOT work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What
makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
1. Check your oil. Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If something we said, can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us
how you want it
done--not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose
their right to
complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear Wonder
bras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows Default
settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. All men have GAS and will let it out whenever it
needs to come out. Live
with it.